Dear dad,

Horrible day today. Horrible. That kind of day that has you heaving sobs where you are not sure if you are going to really be ok. That kind of day where you think that maybe you don't have enough faith to figure it out. Where you think, "how can I possibly be ok enough to feed my babies and get them to bed without them seeing my sobbing."

Low lights... where words just do not do it justice.
...Conversation with Social Services.
When I explained that in 7 days (yes, on Thanksgiving day exactly) my 5 year old will be out of formula, medicines and medical supplies, and I NEED TO SEE A DOCTOR IMMEDIATELY for him and their response is, "As we have told you before, the Emergency Room can not legally turn you away." (Of course when I asked, we would be expected to cover any and all expenses due to that visit.)

...Finding out that my awesome autistic son who has been so excited for football to start, got lost after I dropped him off at the practice. He went to the bathroom first, (so much more to that part of the story, but too heartbreaking to write.) and then when he came out, he couldn't find the football class, so he sat at the bottom of the stairs all alone for an hour and 15 minutes waiting for someone to come find him. When I asked him his best thing tonight after putting him to bed, he started sobbing and telling me how worried and sad he was about missing football. He told me how disappointed he was not to be able to find it and knowing that it was going on and that he just did not know what to do. He sat there and waited for help, and I was not there to give it to him, because I was on the phone with Social Services. Do you know what it is like to hold a sobbing, heartbroken child? It is one of the worst feelings in the world!

(Dad, this is where I am incoherent rambling on the phone right now and you can't understand me because I am crying to hard for my words to make sense. See??? Isn't this blogging thing better than telephone anyways!)

Dad, I am so not okay.

But I love being a mom. My Brighton, Cole and Savannah are the greatest blessing and joy in my life.

Lani, I won't be working out tomorrow morning. Cole has to have new glasses before he can return to school tomorrow, and that did not happen before the doctor's office closed tonight.

And Timmy spilt a glass of milk.